Living with a Bipolar Child

Brian's Intake Hearing - Family Court

2005-06-18T08:34:00.000-05:00

Well, Brian's intake hearing in Family court went well.He was being charged with a FELONY of theft from a building. In Michigan this is an informal hearing and based on the outcome of the hearing when the case is closed it is possible for the incident to be completely expunged from his record.

Brian's tdoc called the intake officer and explained Brian's mental health history and treatment. Based on that the intake officer had no desire to place him in detention in Juvenile home. They simply do NOT have the staff trained to deal with his illness. She id agree that he'd have to pay restitution and a few other things. She was also impressed that BOTH parents were involved and that Brain had both a pdoc and tdoc he had been seeing. Also that we had plans in place to him in RTC if and when it became necessary. The main thing she was going to look for is an admission of guilt, and remorse.

Thursday Brian, his mom and I went to see the intake officer. Brian conducted himself as a fine young gentleman, acting very adult, admitted his guilt and accepted his punishment. I was extremely proud of him as he answered in full sentences, asked permission to talk, and answered yes, and no, and never used any slang or street talk, nor did he swear or cuss. It was great!

Both he and his mom and I were told that yes, he needed to write a letter of apology to the girl he stole the things from, pay restitution of $184 for the times he stole, follow Mom's and Dad's rules and TAKE HIS MEDICINE EVERY DAY AS THE DOCTOR PRESCRIBED! He was also told that this time he was able to get this punishment but next item no matter what the tdoc and pdoc or parents wanted the laws dictated that he serve time in the Juvenile home, so he'd better stay on the straight and narrow!

He signed the agreement and we were out of there in about an hour. So this chapter has ended well for us.

Another Blow-up with Brian

2005-06-13T14:44:00.000-05:00

The past 3 weeks have been just horrible for/with Brian. I think I've already posted about him stealing the CD player and Cell phone from the girl at school. Well her parents have decided to press charges, and Brian has a court date this Thursday for "Theft from a Building". His behavior at home (both mine and his mothers) has NOT been at all good. He has been explosive at the least and at his worst abusive both physically and verbally to both of us and his sister. And most of the time it is over NOTHING!

Last Friday I had an appointment with Brian's pdoc on a med change due to his volatile nature of the last 3 weeks. Well he had a melt down right in front of the pdoc, and was swearing calling her foul names (including the F and B words). He was standing crying with his face completely red and teeth clenched as well as his fists and ready to run at her and hit her! She was really in defensive mode and tried to get him to calm down but was not having much success. She suggested I take him to a hospital ASAP! She then prescribed Lithium and Abilify and sent us out of her office! It was a scary situation as I was sure he was going to hit her too! His main problem was that the felt we were "experimenting" on him and the meds weren't working (DOH!) and they were making him FAT! He has gained weight but he also has had a growth spurt and has filled out quite a bit, but he is NOT fat! More delusional thinking and paranoia! None of the drugs he is on would be responsible for the weight gain.

So I did give him his Lithium both on Sat. and Sunday. And both days were just fine! However on Sunday he was supposed to go back to his Mom's, which he did. However about 8:00 Pm she calls crying, he had begun to physically and verbally attack her again and was asking about the meds,(he said he took the night dose, but she doubted it). I had to go over anyway so I started over to her house, when I met them part way. His mom was crying and told me he'd pushed shoved and scratched her, so I told him to get in my car that he'd be going with me this week. He was very abusive to me and his mom and started beating on the car in anger! I tried and again and again to get him to go with me but he would not. Then I told him I'd call the police, still he did not budge, so I got the county sheriff there and told them to get him to the ER room of our local hospital for admission to the psych, ward. which they did for me. Well after 3 hours we got him to coorporate, he'd been given an ultimatum - take your meds or spend the night in the hospital psych. ward, so he took his meds and we went home to my house at Midnight!

I'm working on a residential treatment facility with the tdoc today and am going to try and get him admitted before Thursday. If not I'm going to work with the prosecutor and see if we can get him sentenced to the hospital through the courts, there are always more then one way to get him there!!

My daughter's Poem to her brother

2005-05-17T09:59:00.000-05:00

My 13 yo daughter has had quite a childhood growing up with her older bipolar brother. She has been the brunt of his anger and rage more than once. She has learned to stand up for herself and not take his verbal abuse at least.

As part of her 7th grade science class she had to do a pamphlet on some topic that she would need to conduct some research in order to write about it. She chose Bipolar disorder, and has been doing lots of reading on the subject. She told me the other day that her brother fit all the typical symptoms of bipolar disorder, except two, drug abuse (as far as she knows) and hyper-sexuality. She has begun to understand why he has treated her and everyone else the way he has over the years.

Well yesterday she tells me she had an assignment in English class to write an apology, and this is what she came up with all on her own!

To my Brother

I’m sorry you were always in detention
I’m sorry I never cared or paid attention
I’m sorry I took things from you, only because you did it to me
I hated how we could never agree
I know we had our problems we shared
I’m sorry I’ve never cared
I think you’ve tried to tell me with expression
That you have a case of Manic Depression
Now I know that you are bipolar
How about starting our lives back over?

I was super impressed with this apology. She intends to give him a version of this complete with original art work she has created!

Spoke too soon!

2005-05-13T08:51:00.000-05:00

Well, after posting my rather upbeat post yesterday we had a bit of a turn!

Earlier in the week we had an appointment with one pdoc who specializes in RAD. Brian did not want to go, but I told him OK, no appointment, no X-box for the weekend. Ah, no problem, now he will go! And we had a great appointment.

Well yesterday we had a different pdoc appointment, with the woman who prescribes his medicines. Well he went ballistic, yelling, screaming and becoming very agitated. He had just started a tournament on-line and he and his "clan" were about to battle this team from England on Counter-Strike. Brian is clan leader and his team "needed" him to be there! I simile and calmly told him that the game was not important and we needed to go. NO, NO I'm not going, now he starts to gesture violently, get red in the face and curse and swear at me, and call me terrible names. "You fucking idiot, I just went to Lark's on Tuesday I'm not going twice a week!"

Sorry I said, but we need to go to this one, "Well you go alone I'm not going!" I said "I'm sorry but you are going, or you will lose you X-box till the next appointment in 2 months from now". "No you can't do that!" he screamed. "Oh but I will" "OK, OK" he says. Get dressed and lets go!

Now he is in the living room lying on the floor in his boxers and a shirt, and I go into the kitchen. I head a banging noise from the living room. "Brian stop, lets get going" The banging only gets louder, then stops all of a sudden. I walk around the corner and there is a hole in the living room wall where he had just used his heal to break it. I looked at him and said very calmly, "Oh good, so now your going to start destroying things. That is a completely inappropriate reaction and you know it Brian. What I said and asked you to do was not deserving of damaging property. Isn't one of the things you are supposed to be doing is not destroying property or hurting people?"

"Your right Dad, that was wrong of me, I'm sorry, very sorry I should have not done that" "OK", I say "Get ready and we'll go". So he gets dressed and we leave in the car. Once in the car he apologizes again and tells me he is sorry, and I thank him.

When we get to the pdoc I relate the story to her and she praises both of us. Brian for his recognizing of his inappropriate behavior and my actions and reaction to him. The calm, manner of fact resolution and talking to him are exactly the way I should be reacting to him. It will help strengthen the bond we already have, and help him to overcome these kinds of reactions to requests he does not like.

Catching up

2005-05-12T18:41:00.000-05:00

I’ve not written here for some time now, as things have been pretty good with Brian. At least they have been for me, is he stable now, no. but things have improved, when he is with me at least. When he is with his mom he still has trouble, but no violence anyway.

We have had some really good times too! Two weeks ago when he was with me he had gotten up every morning with minimal trouble. He was pleasant and even down right courteous at times. I have been giving him pretty much free reign in eating when and where he wants, mostly he chooses his room so he can play on the X-box. so one day I ask him if he’d like to have Salmon and Broccoli Rice and Cheese for dinner (one of his favorites)! He says “Sure, and call me when it is ready, I want to come and eat with you”! Well you could have knocked me down with a feather! He’s NEVER said anything like this before. A few minutes later I call him and he comes right down! He sits there eats, fully sitting, and actually talks to me!! Tells me the fish is good but not super, and thanks me for the meal when he is done, then carries his plate and glass to the sink! I have to slap myself just to make sure I’m not dreaming (not really but this kind of behavior is UNHEARD OF from him).

There have been other things too, small things, like not arguing with me over EVERYTHING, and saying please and thanks. There have been lots of these “moments of clarity” in the past several weeks. His anger is much more short lived and doesn’t get as far gone as it has in the past either.

We’ve had several more visits to the pdoc in the past several weeks. The one who specializes in Reactive Attachment Disorder has already helped quite a bit. One thing she explained to me was that bipolar people need bland emotional landscape. The best reaction is a calm reaction, not anything highly emotional or it is likely to continue the rage or mania will continue. Also she pointed out it is extremely important to have a constant bed time. This is true of not only kids or teenagers but adults too.

Brian has had a lot pf problems staying awake during the day, even though the type or level of his meds should not be causing drowsiness. However, he has not been going to bed at any one particular time, and insists on staying up late on the weekend. She says that only a couple of days out of sync can throw off a whole weeks worth of sleep. Brian has realized this too. He called me the other day and wanted me to pick him up from school because it might be raining when he gets out. When we got done he told me “Dad I need to get to bed at an earlier time, I’m having a hard time staying awake in my classes.”

From Terrible to Horible

2005-04-19T14:35:00.000-05:00

Brian attacked me last night after a perceived attack by me. He was really wound up last night when I got home. He was supposed to go to his mom's (MB’s) place for the week and I'd get my daughter Leeann.

Well, he was mad cause I didn't tell him I was going to take him and his Mom would not be coming to pick him up, so he had to wait an hour. So when I got home I took him to MB's place. He got real mouthy with me and cussed and swore at me, verbally abused his Mom and sister. I told him to control himself and he only cussed and swore at me more, getting filthier and filthier. I climbed over the couch to get him and he thought I was going to slap him or hit him, which I was not going to, but that started it. About 10 to 15 min. of him screaming at me, hitting kicking spitting, biting, and head butting me! I ended up getting bloody and the girls finally did call the police, they came after he was settled down and too tired to continue. Actually I was not even mad all during the whole thing. I kept my cool and just tried to restrain him. The cop walks in and sees me and slaps the handcuffs on Brian and tells hem he is going to Juvenal for domestic assault. He calls me aside and gets my statement, then the girls. When he is about to go to his car I tell him I'd rather Brain get admitted to the emergency room at the hospital as the Juvenal justice system can't help him but the hospital can. The cop agrees and we spend the next 4 hours in emergency being seen by a number of doctors and screeners. We all decide that rather than admitting him to an inpatient program (which only runs during the day) that we'd work with is current psychiatrists and see if they believe he should be hospitalized or referred to a residential facility for care. We do not have funds as of yet for that so the inpatient maybe the only option till we get SSI for him. So he goes home with his mom last night.

Well that is not the end of it all! I just got a call from the assistant principal at the high school before lunch. Apparently Brian stole a girl’s purse from her locker and took it to the boy’s bathroom. There he removed her cell phone and possibly some money. Brian has admitted to the AP that he took the cell phone and denied taking the money. There were several calls made to both MB and myself and to California. He has since discarded the phone by throwing it somewhere outside. He left the purse in the bathroom, so it is possible someone else took the money later. The AP and Brian are going to try and find the phone right now. The girl’s parents have filed a police report on the theft, so the school is required to report. Most likely they are filing charges according to the AP. Brian was put in and in-school suspension for the day until his time to go home.

I've called his psychiatrists and I have an appointment for him tomorrow at 9:30 AM with one of them and we are on the top of the call list for the other one. I'm going to suggest he be hospitalized and have a med cleansing done and a re-evaluation of his meds made tomorrow.
I'm also going to call the Dept. of Human Services to see if I can get temporary Medicaid for him to pay for the hospitalization since we have applied to SSI.

I'm also going to call the lawyer Dr. Lark told us about, the one who helps parent get SSI and see what kind of fees he charges.

Trying to nip it in the bud!

2005-03-29T16:25:00.000-05:00

Well, while all this is going on with Brian I now have an issue with his sister.

That evening after Brian had confessed to the break-in, I hear a knock on the door. When I open the door there stands my ex-wife with the dog. She has walked over, about a mile, and she says: “Leeann is now doing the same crap as Brian! Can I come in?” So I let her in.

She sits down at my table and tells me that Leeann has blocked her way from getting out of her bedroom, pushed, and shoved her. She also took the dog’s leash away from her mother so she couldn’t walk the dog! Then of all things took the phone and would not let here mom use it! Leeann has been getting more and more pushy around her Mom, so she was grounded for a whole month. Mom had decided Leeann could do one thing this weekend because she had been doing much better and obeying her.

Well, it seems Ms. Leeann was feeing put-upon by the grounding so she decided to see if she could make a big enough fuss and get her way and try and get a few more things she wanted! She said “I don’t know what I’m going to do if she starts to physically shove and push me, what if SHE starts hitting me??” Then she said “I’m afraid to push back, I’m so much bigger than she if I hurt her she’ll call the police”. Well, I said, “you need to show her who is boss, cut off her reward the weekend for being good for one thing. And tell her next time she touches YOU, like shoving and pushing or blocking your way You’ll be the one calling the police.”

Then she says, “And she is refusing to go to school tomorrow. I want you to come over and straighten her out.” “ Ah, like no! you need to do it MB, the reason the kids don’t respect you is; you always have me do all the punishment so they have no respect for you, you have no authority in their eyes!” “I HATE you she said I hate you for the fact you left me to raise these kids alone.” “Well I’m doing just fine they respect me, you are the one who needs to change, don’t be mad at me I’m just telling you the truth!”

With that she stormed out the door and slammed it hard. So I forgot about it and went to bed, figuring she would handle it in the morning if Leeann refused to go to school. Well, at 6:10 AM the phone rang, it was MB. “Leeann is refusing to go to school, could you come over and make her go to school?” “OK, if you can’t I will, I’ll be over quickly.” When I walked in her room I told her to get out of bed, she started to give me some lip. I told her: “Get your little butt out of bed, and if you mouth off to me I’ll slap you right in the mouth, and if you want to call the police go right ahead! They know me and they know your brother, who do you think they will believe you or me??” She got up right away and didn’t say anything more. I walked to the kitchen and got her morning meds and came back to have her take them. After she took it I said “Good bye, See you later”, she answered “Not likely!” I let it go!

When I got home the police showed up and you can read what happened on my other post. However, what I didn’t say is that after the police left I walked out after him. I told him what Leeann was doing, refusing to go to school and physically restraining her mom. Well, he offered and I accepted to go over to the house and talk to her! Well, it turned out even better.

He saw Leeann at the bus stop just before the bus got there. He stopped the bus and lectured Leeann for about 10 min. telling her that if he were called to the house for restraining her mother he would personally take her to the Juvenile home like he had her brother! Also she was to report to school and he didn’t want to hear of her refusing to go again or he’d come and take her in his car!!

I really hope she got the message, I don’t need another one getting too big for her britches!!

The story of the Break-in

2005-03-28T12:54:00.000-05:00

I did not post the story of the break-in of my home on this web site but it occurred nearly 2 weeks ago now. Brian came home after school at 1:00 PM and found the front door wide open. He called me right away and told me the house had been broken into and we’d been robbed. My kitchen was trashed, dishes broke, glasses and cups shattered. The basement was gone through, CDs spilled, file drawers gone through and papers scattered on the floor. In my son's room was trashed, drawers emptied on the floor stuff scattered around the room. The only things which we could find missing were Brian’s games for his X-box and Playstation.

I came home the police were called and an investigation done. The police took away several of the things which they felt the robbers could have touched and they could get fingerprints from. Last Thursday I went to the police station to retrieve my things and see what if anything they had found out. They informed me they thought Brian was the culprit. Things did not seem to “add up”, even if kids were responsible for the break-in other electronic things which were small should have been taken, the X-box, and Playstation were right there and easy to carry. So we made an appointment for the officer on the morning shift to make a call to my house in the morning and confront Brian with the possibility of jail/juvenile home time if only our fingerprints showed up on the things the police had taken.

Well, that night I confronted Brian, and he denied he had done it. “That is OK” he said “let them look a the prints there will be someone else’s there! I didn’t do it”. Well I had to go into town and on the way in he called my cell and confessed he had done it. He faked the break-in.

“Why, why in the hell would you do that??” I asked! “I wanted to spend time with you! I was really sad when you said you had to go back, I figured you would stay the rest of the day!” I told him it was very inappropriate for him to do that! There are so many other ways he could ask for my time and attention. For one I’m home every night. Some nights I get home later after I go to the gym but I am home. He wants to play on his X-box and hardly comes out of his room, let alone eat dinner with me, why doesn’t he ask then!! I also ask him if he wants to go to a movie or go swimming at the gym, but he always says no.

I also tried to explain it was illegal to call the police and fake a crime and report it as if it was real! He could get himself into a great deal of trouble doing that and may end up back in the juvenile home again for faking the break-in!!

Well the next morning the police officer shows up at the door. He comes in and explains the penalty for breaking and entering, 15 years, plus $2000 fine. He also explains that calling in a fake report of a B&E is the same. I then tell Brian to tell the officer what he told me, and he confessed to the officer. He also tells the officer why he did it. And the officer reminded him there are other ways of getting my attention. This time he says they will not press charges but next time; there will be no such forgiveness.

All this goes to strengthen my suspicions that the reactive attachment disorder is a real possibility. I am going to tell his current psychiatrist and his new one that we meet with on April 11.

One step forward, Two steps back!!

2005-03-23T11:31:00.000-05:00

I had a bad morning with Brian again, he just pushed my patience way too far this morning! I was very pleasant and so was he, from 6:00 till 7:00. I've told him and told him I want to leave by 7:20 each day. I tell him in the morning and in the evening so he has no excuse, but of course he always says I'm lying or I don't wake him up like I say I do every 15 min. from 6:00 AM on. Well by 7:10 my prodding him is more frequent, but sill pleasant, "OK Brian it is 7:10 time to get up" OK Dad" and I leave it at that (he complains I bitch too much,and never stop, so I thought I'd leave it to one sentence if he give me a positive answer), no movement from him. 7:15 same thing, no movement from him, same answer by him, 7:20 same thing same tone of voice, same answer, no movement from him 7:25 I lose it, I run up stairs scream at the top of my lungs, "Get up NOW", I grab his arms set him up in bed and shake him, telling him yelling at him to get out of bed! "I'm done with this shit, any more your not out of bed by 7:00 AM you lose the Internet, every day your not up by 7:00 am you lose the Internet". I go out to the kitchen, I'm so upset, angry, I'm literally shaking, and pacing the floor, fuming, dreaming up all sort of other punishments. He gets up and we are out the door, neither of us say a word on the way to school. He gets out says "Bye Dad", I say "Bye Brian" and he walks off into school. I feel a calm come over me as I relax and turn on NPR to listen to it on the way into work.

Well, now I'm thinking about taking tomorrow off and going to Social Security and getting that process started. My ex is never going to do it, shit, she doesn't live with him day to day. Even when we get this schedule in place where he is with both of us equal time the chance to have another flare up with her increases.

Anyway, I'm just feeling overwhelmed today with his behavior/actions/disability I feel like I need to do SOMETHING more. I did make that appointment with the other pdoc to have him evaluated for RAD but for some reason I just feel that too will be too little, and my life is going to continue to be hell the longer this gets prolonged. Like my Girlfriend has said sometimes I just sit on things and don't want to rock the boat, and end up suffering because of it. How true, I've done it at work, at home.

Time to get off my dead ass and get this in place so if he needs residential placement I will have money for it!

A nice weekend

2005-03-20T17:02:00.000-05:00

This weekend my ex and I switched kids for the weekend. I had my daughter Leeann and Brian was with his mom.

Leeann is grounded due to some problems she got herself into at school and around the house. Smart mouthing, being a pain in the butt essentially. So she and I watched a movie with my girlfriend. On Saturday the three of us went to the mall, did some shopping. But the real nice part was having her for meals! She'd sit at the table, eat and talk with me. Something Brian NEVER does, in fact he will bad mouth me if I try to talk to him telling me to "Shut up, I don't want to talk to you!!"

I talked to my ex after the weekend and she said he was pretty good, nothing serious at least.

I've yet to make an appointment for an evaluation for Reactive Attachment Disorder, I better do that this week.

Psychiatrist visit

2005-03-17T12:47:00.000-05:00

I took Brian to the Psychiatrist on Tuesday for his regular meeting which we go to every 2 months. I was all armed with material I'd read on the Internet on various drugs to treat BP. Some of these were drugs other parents suggested as having been effective or some that I've read about in information from CABF (see my links on the right). I'd also downloaded an article from the Journal of the American academe of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry on the Treatment guidelines for children and adolescents with bipolar disorder. She had not seen the new guidelines yet and thanked me for providing them to her.

I wanted to ask about reducing the Ritlan he has been taking and either discontinue the Zoloft or greatly reduce it as many parents had told me this cause their children to be more angry and reactive rather then less. I was also prepared to talk about adding lamictal as a second mood stabilizer and eliminating the Respridal and replacing it with Abilify. She explained she really wasn't that convinced that lamictal was worth the risk because of the serious side effect, one which can be potentially deadly. And the Abilify was only effective in about 5 to 10% of the patients she's treated with it. She wanted to continue with the current medications and give them more time to work. Then she laid it on me!

She said she was not convinced that Bipolar was the correct diagnosis, but that there was a strong possibility that the could be suffering from Reactive Attachment disorder. (RAD) She said it resents itself in a very similar manner as Bipolar disorder and we should conceder looking into an evaluation for Brian to either rule it out or confirm it. She said that there are several things that don't fit about Brian and the typical bipolar kid. Typically BP kids are "trouble" no matter where, at home at school. However he is worse when he is with his mother, and fairly well behaved for me. Which is true, but still no where near normal, as you have seen from my past posts. I'm not convinced that there is anything other than BPD but I'm not a doctor. She gave me the names of two psychiatrists who specialize in RAD and asked Brian to cooperate and go so we can help him and possibly get off his medicines. He said he would go but I'll wait and see. I asked what kind of treatment were were looking at if he did have the RAD and she said the meds would most likely not change too greatly at least at first but would be reduced as we got more into the verbal therapy treatments.

A so so week

2005-03-15T11:33:00.000-05:00

I've had a so so time with Brian since my last posting.

We are still in the middle of our med change. I've increased his Trileptal to the 600 mg/day the pdoc wants him to be on. I've also restarted the Respirdal but at a much reduced level. I'm only giving him 1/2 mg at night, along with a full 100 mg. tablet of Seroquel, and the 300 mg of Trileptal.

He has had several very angry incidents lately, again over nothing or at least a small thing which normally would not get much reaction at all. He was bad mouthing me again for not taking him to buy some books. Well the reason I was not is because he was using foul language to talk to me, being rude and obnoxious every time he'd say something to me. He decided to call his mom and see if she would take him, she said no. He got very mean to her called her a stupid bitch, hung up the cordless phone and threw it across the room, causing it to come apart. We've also had other things happen like this in even less demanding situations and he has flown into a rage.

I have a pdoc appointment today and I'm taking in my mood chart for February and March so far. Since cutting back on the respirdal and starting the trileptal we've had more incidents of anger. I was told it may take 2 weeks for me to see any effect, and today is exactly 2 weeks. I want to discuss switching to Abifily instead of the Respridal, and switching the Trileptal for Lamictal. Lamictal is supposed to be a stronger and newer mood stabilizer than Trileptal. Abilify is supposed to be better for anger management. I also want to see about reducing the level of Zoloft as many in the email list on CABF have said that these may interfere or possibly even worsen the effect that Zoloft is supposed to have.

One Very Bad Night!

2005-03-06T20:46:00.000-05:00

Tonight was a very bad night for Brian and I. To catch you up I've changed his medication starting Trileptal a mood stabilizer. Because the Respirdal was causing him to be "knocked out" as he put it I made a deal with him to stop it and start the Trileptal. This turned out to be a big mistake I believe.

I've noticed him becoming more "edgy" and short tempered the last few days. Tonight I got home at my usual time, about 5:30 PM and went to his room. I knocked on his door to ask what he wanted for dinner. He was playing on his X-box with his door closed and his light out. I turned on the light and he went ballistic! "What the fuck you do that for, turn the god-damned light off, you fucking idiot"! I simply said "Brian don't talk to me like that, all I wanted to do is ask you what you wanted for dinner". "Close the fucking door and turn off the light fucking idiot" is all he'd say! I told him again not to talk to me that way, but he kept it up, so I walked out of the room. He slammed the door, but before he did he cursed at me again and called me more names.

I went back to his room to tell him not to talk to me that way again, and he just kept up with the bad mouthing and cursing. I'd finally had it, I told him to unplug his X-box and give it to me. "No fucking way, I paid for it, you can't take it, I'm not putting up with this bullshit, I'm going to Mom's, I'm not staying here". "No your not, give me you X-box" Then he started "Shut the Fuck up", repeating it over and over anytime I'd try and say something. Well, I figured if he will not give me the X-box I'll take the TV, I bought it and he can't play with the X-box if I have the TV. So I unplugged it and took it to my room, locking it in so he could not get to it. I've put locks on all the room because he has threatened to destroy things when I'm gone.

Now he is in the living room with his backpack and X-box, blankets and other things he is going to take to his mom's. He says he is going to walk, well it's about mile, not really that much, but he'd never willing walk that far, especially carrying all this crap he wants to take with him. I tell him he can't go without his mothers permission. He continues to swear and cuss at me and call me more filthy names. Then it happens, he spits at me! I lose control (somewhat) and slap his mouth with my finger tips, more cursing and swearing, so I slap again, not hard not full open hand, just my fingers and not hard. He stands up and says "I'm calling the police, you hit me. I'll slit your thoat you and your fucking girlfriend, I'll slit both of your throats." I said "Go Right ahead, call the police". He goes for the phone, dials 911 and continues to curse at me telling me "Your in big trouble now!" I grab him and pull/push/shove him to ward his room. I hang up the phone and take him forcefully to his room where I set him on his bed. "Now stay here" I'm shouting at the top of my lungs now, in his face. "Don't get out either or I'll physically overpower you!". I then go to the kitchen to calm down, and let him calm down. The therapist has told me it takes 30 to 45 min. for his rages to calm down, by letting the chemicals which are causing the anger to desperate from his brain.

All of a sudden there is a banging at the front door, loud, rapid demanding attention. I open the door and there stand the village policeman and a county sheriff. I tell them Brian is Bipolar he is having a rage,a no we are chancing his medications. "Is everyone alright?" "Yes." I let them in and tell them the story, leaving nothing out including my slapping him in the face. "To discipline him right?" Yes, I respond. "OK, I want to talk to your son." Sure. I recognize him a son of the officers who came to my ex-wife's house when Brian attacked her. After about 15 min. he comes out and asks me if I have another doctor appointment for him, I say yes next week Tuesday, OK, do I have enough medicine for now, yes I do. OK the wishes me will getting his meds corrected and hopes for the best.

I leave Brian in his room for about 1/2 hour then go in to talk to him. I ask why he got so mad, we apologize to each other, say we are sorry. Then I ask him if he'd like to eat. He says yes, could we have broccoli Rice and Cheese (his favorite), sure. When it is ready he comes and sits at the table with me eats dinner and takes his night meds, including the Respirdal, without so much as a word, and goes to his room. About 9:30 PM I check on him and he is asleep!

In the morning he gets up in a pleasant mood. I ask him if he'd like some strawberry muffins for breakfast, Yes please! I make them he gets up has breakfast, and compliments the muffins. I take him to school and he says Good-by Dad, and waves at me!

I talked to the doctor today and she says I really need to keep him on the Respirdal, as it is a major tranquilizer and he needs it! You bet I will!!

Success!

2005-03-03T14:32:00.000-05:00

Finally I've had a success with getting my son Brian to change his meds! I told him I would not give him his Resperdal, if he'd take his Trileptal. He hates taking his Resperdal as he feels it "knocks" him out. He really doesn't like that feeling. I told him I'd like to try the Trileptal and it may not make him as sleepy as the Risperdal. He agreed, and when he awoke this morning (nothing like the other morning) he was in a good mood. After he woke up and seemed to be less groggy from just waking, I asked him if the Trileptal was better than the Resperdal. He said "Yes, I just fell asleep, and it didn't "knock" me out, it was much better"! Yipeeee! Now we will just have to wait and see if it has an effect on his moods.

His attitude was much better too this morning. He said please when asking for things for breakfast and was in a talkative mood. I doubt if the Trileptal worked that fast but we will wait and see over the next month or so and make a decision .

Bad Morning!

2005-03-02T12:00:00.000-05:00

Today was one of those bad morning days with Brian! I’m not really asking for help just venting! I’ve been through much worse than this many, many times (and I know other parents with BPD kids have the same kind of mornings at times too)!

His school starts at 7:40 AM and we need to leave my house about 7:20 to get there in reasonable time that is by 7:30 AM (I live right behind our HS). I take him to school rather than have him walk because we had a period where he was skipping school and actually refusing to go to school. This way I can be assured he at least gets in the front door every day.

It all stared (like they all do) when I woke him up at 6:00 AM. I woke him up as usual with a gentle “Good Morning Brian, 6:00 O’clock time to get up…..” and some other easy simple banter, nothing too much, just talking until I get a reaction, like some movement or a “Ummmm, OK Dad”. However this morning, the curing, swearing and name-calling started. So I just said in a nice calm voice “OK, just wanted to make sure you were up”.

As is my usual habit for the last 9 years at least, I return every 15 mins. to rouse him. At 6:15 I go in his room again and say again in a nice calm but loud voice “OK Brian 6:15, time to get up”. Once again “You stupid dumb M***er F***er” I told you to F**k off, and leave me alone, shut up a**hole” plus a whole lot more I’ll not even put down here, safe to say it was extremely rude, unpleasant and obnoxious. All I said again was “OK just wanted to make sure you were waking up, and left the room.

Repeat this same pattern, language, and verbal abuse at 6:30, and 6:45. I can remain calm during all of this, as I have read that it is common for BPD kids to have such mornings. I also know the reasons behind his abuse from my reading. Knowing this I can actually keep calm and not get mad or irritated. Before last Dec. when he was diagnosed and I read, “Raising the Bipolar child” I did not and could not keep my calm. But I’ve changed and gotten my mind right!

Then, “OK Brian now it is 7:00 AM, up and at ‘em” “ What time is it EXACTLY Dad”? 7:00 AM “No, Dad, EXACTLY”, 7:00 AM “F**k You, I told you I’ll get up when I’m damn good and ready!” I reply in a calm voice “Brian it is 7:00 AM time to get going, I’m going to get your medicine and I will be back” “F**k you Dad”

I come back with his medicine and after more cursing and swearing he sits up and takes his meds. I go away, and finish getting my stuff together for work, my bag, some snacks for the day and put them in the car. At 7:15 I call to him “Brian, we need to leave in 5 min., get up and get dressed, let’s go!” in a slightly louder, only so very slightly irritated voice. He still doesn’t get going right away so I tell him once more, more cursing name-calling and swearing. But finally drags himself to the car where I’m sitting waiting for him with the engine running.

We drive off and his mouth starts again! I’m cool I’m quiet, and I don’t respond to his continued bad mouthing. Then he says something like “Yeah don’t answer back ‘cause you know I’m right, you’re a f**king idiot and an a**hole”. Still I just sit there and don’t say a thing just saying to myself, OK, it will pass, don’t encourage him or provoke him it will pass. Well, he just ratchets it up another notch, being even more obnoxious rude and abusive.

I forget my own advice! I turn to him and say (in a very irritated loud voice “Cut it out, cut it out”. He does not, he keeps going. I look in the rearview mirror (to make sure there were no cars coming) I slam on the breaks. Then I say nearly shouting “Shut the F**K UP”, he tries again, “Shut the F**K UP”, “Shut the F**K UP”. Now he is quite. I drive off neither of us speaks. He is crying silently, and wipes tears from his eyes, but tries not to let me see, and I say nothing. I arrive at the school pull up to the door and he gets out “Goodbye Brian”, he says nothing shuts the door and walks into school without saying a word, so I drive off to work.

Am I upset at what went on? No, not really. I felt I kept my calm for a very long period, nearly 1½ hours. Was I angry when I slammed on the breaks? No, but I was at a point where I felt he was not going to settle down. I had to do something to stop it because I did not want him to think he could get away with verbally abusing me. Some of his tirade I put down to the meds being nearly gone from his bloodstream and therefore having little control of his emotions. But I still wanted to send a message that he could not abuse people like that without getting a response.

The pizza caper!

2005-02-27T12:47:00.000-05:00

One of the things we struggle with as parents of Bipolar Children is their constant demand for things, food, or some means of gratification. Some of these demands my or may not be rational. But rational or not you quickly find out that satisfying those desires or demands only will lead to increases in the occurrence and intensity of demands. And denying them what they want or desire may also increase the frequency of requests/demands.

Brian is a growing teenaged boy, and like many, because he is growing, his hunger is greater than most adults. Brian has done some pretty “wild” things in order to get food. Not that the refrigerator isn’t filled with food, it is just not what he wants. He is constantly asking to be taken to McDonald’s, Burger King, KFC you name it any fast food place is much superior to anything I have in my refrigerator! He calls his mom and asks her to bring him food on her way home. My ex-wife Brian mother lives in the same village as I do, about a mile from my place.

Well, his latest escapade goes like this. About 1:00 PM he calls, he’s just gotten home from school. He is hungry. Why I ask. I didn’t eat at school! Why not? I didn’t want to, Oh OK. Well I want you to get me one of those hot subs on our way home. No Brian, I have plenty of food in the frige , find something to eat in there. No, Dad, you NEVER buy ANYTHING at the store, just crap you like! Not true Brian I bought you several things you wanted. Yea, well they are all gone and there is nothing to eat, here let me walk over to the freezer and I’ll show you (remember I talking to him on the phone!). Brian I’m at work now I’ll discuss this when I get home, meanwhile get something to eat to hold you over, and when I get home I’ll make dinner. I’m hanging up now Brian I have to go back to work, talk to you when I get home.

Well, on this particular night I go to the gym for my Spin class and to lift weights. I don’t usually get home till around 7:30 PM or so. On my way home from the gym I get this call on my cell phone. “Dad, now don’t get mad at me”. Oh crap I think, NOW I’m going to be REAL MAD. “I ordered a pizza and paid for it with one of your checks, one of your money Market fund checks. I just wanted to tell you so you knew”. OMG! Brian that is forgery, that is a crime, you can go back to the juvenile home again, remember they said it would be for 3 MONTHS if you broke the law again?? “Ah, yeah that is why I thought I should tell you”. And Brian those checks have to be for $500 or the money market will bounce the check! “I didn’t know dad”. OK, I’ll go back to the pizza place and give them a good check! “OK dad, are you going to be mad?” Hell yes I am Brian you’ve put yourself into one hell of a lot of trouble!

So I go and give the pizza store a check for the pizza and get my check back. The delivery guy had already called the night manager and they had determined the check was forged, beside Brian had said his mom signed the check and it had my name on it. I then asked the guy to put my home and phone number as a house NOT to take phone orders from again, even for cash! Brian has even stolen cash, his mom, his sister, and from me to buy stuff he wants!

When I got home I told him how much of a serious problem he could be in if the pizza store decides to press charges! He got real worried, for all of about 10 min. I’ve raised the point to him several times again later. Just to drive home a point. We will have to wait and see what happens and if the manager turns this over tot the police!

A little history - Continued

2005-02-26T14:54:00.000-05:00

While at home he was disobedient, defiant, and would fly into rages, which would go on for what seemed forever. We worked with all kinds of counselors and psychologists to see if we could get some of these negative behaviors stopped. Brian broke many of the windows in the house, broke doors, and kicked or punched holes in the walls of the house. He would attack his sister swearing and calling her names and do the same to my wife. Most of his rages was directed at his mother, and not me. He would grab the steering wheel of the van while she was driving if she did not do what he wanted. He kicked out the windshield of her car twice, and dented the hood. We changed psychologist, psychiatrists, and social workers and even tried on home counseling, nothing seemed to help. Our life had become a living hell. Then it got worse!

I decided to file for divorced from brings mom, my wife of 17 years. I'll not go into all of that but of course it had a negative effect on both kids. I moved into an apartment in the same school district and we began shared custody of the kids. I was a date in a town about 30 miles from my ex wife's home when I got a call on my cell phone. Brian had attacked her with a wrench, and she had called the police. I ended the date and drove back right away. The police gave her a choice of taking him to the juvenile home or releasing him to my custody. He went home with me that night. I and her mother encouraged her to file a domestic violence report with the police. It was an extremely hard decision for her, but she decided to file the report. I went with her to the station, and she went through with it. We'd hoped it would never come to this but it did and in order to protect her and our daughter it was the right thing to do.

Brian appeared in court and plead guilty to domestic violence. Because of his first time offender status and the fact he has good grades in school, his punishment was community service and court costs. He was released to my custody. He lived with me in my apartment and only visited his mother from time to time. Then one day he went over to his mother's for the weekend. He and his mom got into a fight and Brian picked up a wrench and hit his mother several times. She called the police and me. When the police got there they said we had two options, one to release him back into my custody, and for his mom to file another domestic violence report. Or they could see if the juvenile home had room. If they did they could remove him until a hearing could be called. We talked and decided to have him taken to the juvenile home. He spent 5 days there, and seemed to change. But it only lasted for a time, no physical violence but still lots of verbal assaults on both his mother and sister. There was a further hearing and he was remanded to the supervision of a parole officer. He was spending all his time with me for nearly 1 year only seeing his mother for few hours at a time.

A little history

2005-02-25T10:18:00.000-05:00

“B” is my son and he is a teenager, combine this with being Bipolar and you have one very difficult child.

“B” has been difficult from the very beginning. First off “B” was adopted as an infant of 4 months old. He was an international adoption from Korea. We have very little information on him or his parents or the situation of the birthmother’s pregnancy. In addition w also do not know EXACTLY how or by whom he as cared for during the 4 months he was in Korea. All we know is the names and ages of his birthparents, and that he was a “healthy” baby according to the papers filled out by the Korean adoption agency. In Korea it is common for babies placed for adoption to be cared for by foster parents. These parents typically care for the child in much the same way they would care for their own children as babies. Many women carry the child with them typically in a papoose type arrangement on the woman’s back. We do NOT know if “B” was or was not cared for in this manner.

After all the paper work was complete he was flown with an adult volunteer to the US form Korea, about a 27 hour flight. We picked him up at the airport with all the fanfare of a new arrival. Grandma and uncle were there to take pictures and welcome our new baby home.

Over the next few months and early years “B” proved to be a very difficult baby and child. He was very easy to cry and get upset, difficult to feed, change his diaper and get to sleep. As he got older he did not care to cuddle or snuggle, just wanted to crawl of walk on is own. He was a very demanding toddler and very fussy. As he got into preschool he was very hard to separate from when dropping him off in the morning, and was a bully during the waking periods. After he got into school we had all kinds of difficulty with before school care. He would act up, bully other children, and confront the adults. Soon we were asked not to bring him to before school care, other parents were complaining about him and some on the staff were afraid of his tempers and strength even at that age.

Problems continued in elementary school. Constant calls and complaints form teachers about him acting up and disturbing class. We took him to a psychologist who refereed us to a psychiatrist. He evaluated “B” as being ADHD and prescribed Ritalin. All through Elementary school the Ritalin seemed to help, but never completely satisfied up as taking care of all the problems he was having with us at home or in school.

Introduction

2005-02-23T21:13:00.000-05:00

Hello, I've decided to start this Blog to chronicle my life raising a son who has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.

I have a 14 year old son who has been diagnosed as having Early Onset Bipolar Disorder. This is a very serious mental illness, and the prognosis is not good for a productive adult life unless he self medicates as an adult. Bipolar Disorder in children has not been recognized by the medical community until very recently.

I have had good success with some medicines in modifying his mood swings. But getting here has taken all of the 14 years. We also believe he has ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), and has been treated as such, since he started school.

I started this new Blog to chronicle my life as a father of a child with this disorder. Many of us parents have felt very alone in our struggles in dealing with this illness in our child. I’m hoping to be able to help other parents by giving people an insight on my and my son’s life.