Brian's Intake Hearing - Family Court
Well, Brian's intake hearing in Family court went well.He was being charged with a FELONY of theft from a building. In Michigan this is an informal hearing and based on the outcome of the hearing when the case is closed it is possible for the incident to be completely expunged from his record.
Brian's tdoc called the intake officer and explained Brian's mental health history and treatment. Based on that the intake officer had no desire to place him in detention in Juvenile home. They simply do NOT have the staff trained to deal with his illness. She id agree that he'd have to pay restitution and a few other things. She was also impressed that BOTH parents were involved and that Brain had both a pdoc and tdoc he had been seeing. Also that we had plans in place to him in RTC if and when it became necessary. The main thing she was going to look for is an admission of guilt, and remorse.
Thursday Brian, his mom and I went to see the intake officer. Brian conducted himself as a fine young gentleman, acting very adult, admitted his guilt and accepted his punishment. I was extremely proud of him as he answered in full sentences, asked permission to talk, and answered yes, and no, and never used any slang or street talk, nor did he swear or cuss. It was great!
Both he and his mom and I were told that yes, he needed to write a letter of apology to the girl he stole the things from, pay restitution of $184 for the times he stole, follow Mom's and Dad's rules and TAKE HIS MEDICINE EVERY DAY AS THE DOCTOR PRESCRIBED! He was also told that this time he was able to get this punishment but next item no matter what the tdoc and pdoc or parents wanted the laws dictated that he serve time in the Juvenile home, so he'd better stay on the straight and narrow!
He signed the agreement and we were out of there in about an hour. So this chapter has ended well for us.
Another Blow-up with Brian
The past 3 weeks have been just horrible for/with Brian. I think I've already posted about him stealing the CD player and Cell phone from the girl at school. Well her parents have decided to press charges, and Brian has a court date this Thursday for "Theft from a Building". His behavior at home (both mine and his mothers) has NOT been at all good. He has been explosive at the least and at his worst abusive both physically and verbally to both of us and his sister. And most of the time it is over NOTHING!
Last Friday I had an appointment with Brian's pdoc on a med change due to his volatile nature of the last 3 weeks. Well he had a melt down right in front of the pdoc, and was swearing calling her foul names (including the F and B words). He was standing crying with his face completely red and teeth clenched as well as his fists and ready to run at her and hit her! She was really in defensive mode and tried to get him to calm down but was not having much success. She suggested I take him to a hospital ASAP! She then prescribed Lithium and Abilify and sent us out of her office! It was a scary situation as I was sure he was going to hit her too! His main problem was that the felt we were "experimenting" on him and the meds weren't working (DOH!) and they were making him FAT! He has gained weight but he also has had a growth spurt and has filled out quite a bit, but he is NOT fat! More delusional thinking and paranoia! None of the drugs he is on would be responsible for the weight gain.
So I did give him his Lithium both on Sat. and Sunday. And both days were just fine! However on Sunday he was supposed to go back to his Mom's, which he did. However about 8:00 Pm she calls crying, he had begun to physically and verbally attack her again and was asking about the meds,(he said he took the night dose, but she doubted it). I had to go over anyway so I started over to her house, when I met them part way. His mom was crying and told me he'd pushed shoved and scratched her, so I told him to get in my car that he'd be going with me this week. He was very abusive to me and his mom and started beating on the car in anger! I tried and again and again to get him to go with me but he would not. Then I told him I'd call the police, still he did not budge, so I got the county sheriff there and told them to get him to the ER room of our local hospital for admission to the psych, ward. which they did for me. Well after 3 hours we got him to coorporate, he'd been given an ultimatum - take your meds or spend the night in the hospital psych. ward, so he took his meds and we went home to my house at Midnight!
I'm working on a residential treatment facility with the tdoc today and am going to try and get him admitted before Thursday. If not I'm going to work with the prosecutor and see if we can get him sentenced to the hospital through the courts, there are always more then one way to get him there!!
My daughter's Poem to her brother
My 13 yo daughter has had quite a childhood growing up with her older bipolar brother. She has been the brunt of his anger and rage more than once. She has learned to stand up for herself and not take his verbal abuse at least.
As part of her 7th grade science class she had to do a pamphlet on some topic that she would need to conduct some research in order to write about it. She chose Bipolar disorder, and has been doing lots of reading on the subject. She told me the other day that her brother fit all the typical symptoms of bipolar disorder, except two, drug abuse (as far as she knows) and hyper-sexuality. She has begun to understand why he has treated her and everyone else the way he has over the years.
Well yesterday she tells me she had an assignment in English class to write an apology, and this is what she came up with all on her own!
To my Brother
I’m sorry you were always in detention
I’m sorry I never cared or paid attention
I’m sorry I took things from you, only because you did it to me
I hated how we could never agree
I know we had our problems we shared
I’m sorry I’ve never cared
I think you’ve tried to tell me with expression
That you have a case of Manic Depression
Now I know that you are bipolar
How about starting our lives back over?
I was super impressed with this apology. She intends to give him a version of this complete with original art work she has created!
Spoke too soon!
Well, after posting my rather upbeat post yesterday we had a bit of a turn!
Earlier in the week we had an appointment with one pdoc who specializes in RAD. Brian did not want to go, but I told him OK, no appointment, no X-box for the weekend. Ah, no problem, now he will go! And we had a great appointment.
Well yesterday we had a different pdoc appointment, with the woman who prescribes his medicines. Well he went ballistic, yelling, screaming and becoming very agitated. He had just started a tournament on-line and he and his "clan" were about to battle this team from England on Counter-Strike. Brian is clan leader and his team "needed" him to be there! I simile and calmly told him that the game was not important and we needed to go. NO, NO I'm not going, now he starts to gesture violently, get red in the face and curse and swear at me, and call me terrible names. "You fucking idiot, I just went to Lark's on Tuesday I'm not going twice a week!"
Sorry I said, but we need to go to this one, "Well you go alone I'm not going!" I said "I'm sorry but you are going, or you will lose you X-box till the next appointment in 2 months from now". "No you can't do that!" he screamed. "Oh but I will" "OK, OK" he says. Get dressed and lets go!
Now he is in the living room lying on the floor in his boxers and a shirt, and I go into the kitchen. I head a banging noise from the living room. "Brian stop, lets get going" The banging only gets louder, then stops all of a sudden. I walk around the corner and there is a hole in the living room wall where he had just used his heal to break it. I looked at him and said very calmly, "Oh good, so now your going to start destroying things. That is a completely inappropriate reaction and you know it Brian. What I said and asked you to do was not deserving of damaging property. Isn't one of the things you are supposed to be doing is not destroying property or hurting people?"
"Your right Dad, that was wrong of me, I'm sorry, very sorry I should have not done that" "OK", I say "Get ready and we'll go". So he gets dressed and we leave in the car. Once in the car he apologizes again and tells me he is sorry, and I thank him.
When we get to the pdoc I relate the story to her and she praises both of us. Brian for his recognizing of his inappropriate behavior and my actions and reaction to him. The calm, manner of fact resolution and talking to him are exactly the way I should be reacting to him. It will help strengthen the bond we already have, and help him to overcome these kinds of reactions to requests he does not like.
Catching up
I’ve not written here for some time now, as things have been pretty good with Brian. At least they have been for me, is he stable now, no. but things have improved, when he is with me at least. When he is with his mom he still has trouble, but no violence anyway.
We have had some really good times too! Two weeks ago when he was with me he had gotten up every morning with minimal trouble. He was pleasant and even down right courteous at times. I have been giving him pretty much free reign in eating when and where he wants, mostly he chooses his room so he can play on the X-box. so one day I ask him if he’d like to have Salmon and Broccoli Rice and Cheese for dinner (one of his favorites)! He says “Sure, and call me when it is ready, I want to come and eat with you”! Well you could have knocked me down with a feather! He’s NEVER said anything like this before. A few minutes later I call him and he comes right down! He sits there eats, fully sitting, and actually talks to me!! Tells me the fish is good but not super, and thanks me for the meal when he is done, then carries his plate and glass to the sink! I have to slap myself just to make sure I’m not dreaming (not really but this kind of behavior is UNHEARD OF from him).
There have been other things too, small things, like not arguing with me over EVERYTHING, and saying please and thanks. There have been lots of these “moments of clarity” in the past several weeks. His anger is much more short lived and doesn’t get as far gone as it has in the past either.
We’ve had several more visits to the pdoc in the past several weeks. The one who specializes in Reactive Attachment Disorder has already helped quite a bit. One thing she explained to me was that bipolar people need bland emotional landscape. The best reaction is a calm reaction, not anything highly emotional or it is likely to continue the rage or mania will continue. Also she pointed out it is extremely important to have a constant bed time. This is true of not only kids or teenagers but adults too.
Brian has had a lot pf problems staying awake during the day, even though the type or level of his meds should not be causing drowsiness. However, he has not been going to bed at any one particular time, and insists on staying up late on the weekend. She says that only a couple of days out of sync can throw off a whole weeks worth of sleep. Brian has realized this too. He called me the other day and wanted me to pick him up from school because it might be raining when he gets out. When we got done he told me “Dad I need to get to bed at an earlier time, I’m having a hard time staying awake in my classes.”
From Terrible to Horible
Brian attacked me last night after a perceived attack by me. He was really wound up last night when I got home. He was supposed to go to his mom's (MB’s) place for the week and I'd get my daughter Leeann.
Well, he was mad cause I didn't tell him I was going to take him and his Mom would not be coming to pick him up, so he had to wait an hour. So when I got home I took him to MB's place. He got real mouthy with me and cussed and swore at me, verbally abused his Mom and sister. I told him to control himself and he only cussed and swore at me more, getting filthier and filthier. I climbed over the couch to get him and he thought I was going to slap him or hit him, which I was not going to, but that started it. About 10 to 15 min. of him screaming at me, hitting kicking spitting, biting, and head butting me! I ended up getting bloody and the girls finally did call the police, they came after he was settled down and too tired to continue. Actually I was not even mad all during the whole thing. I kept my cool and just tried to restrain him. The cop walks in and sees me and slaps the handcuffs on Brian and tells hem he is going to Juvenal for domestic assault. He calls me aside and gets my statement, then the girls. When he is about to go to his car I tell him I'd rather Brain get admitted to the emergency room at the hospital as the Juvenal justice system can't help him but the hospital can. The cop agrees and we spend the next 4 hours in emergency being seen by a number of doctors and screeners. We all decide that rather than admitting him to an inpatient program (which only runs during the day) that we'd work with is current psychiatrists and see if they believe he should be hospitalized or referred to a residential facility for care. We do not have funds as of yet for that so the inpatient maybe the only option till we get SSI for him. So he goes home with his mom last night.
Well that is not the end of it all! I just got a call from the assistant principal at the high school before lunch. Apparently Brian stole a girl’s purse from her locker and took it to the boy’s bathroom. There he removed her cell phone and possibly some money. Brian has admitted to the AP that he took the cell phone and denied taking the money. There were several calls made to both MB and myself and to California. He has since discarded the phone by throwing it somewhere outside. He left the purse in the bathroom, so it is possible someone else took the money later. The AP and Brian are going to try and find the phone right now. The girl’s parents have filed a police report on the theft, so the school is required to report. Most likely they are filing charges according to the AP. Brian was put in and in-school suspension for the day until his time to go home.
I've called his psychiatrists and I have an appointment for him tomorrow at 9:30 AM with one of them and we are on the top of the call list for the other one. I'm going to suggest he be hospitalized and have a med cleansing done and a re-evaluation of his meds made tomorrow.
I'm also going to call the Dept. of Human Services to see if I can get temporary Medicaid for him to pay for the hospitalization since we have applied to SSI.
I'm also going to call the lawyer Dr. Lark told us about, the one who helps parent get SSI and see what kind of fees he charges.
Trying to nip it in the bud!
Well, while all this is going on with Brian I now have an issue with his sister.
That evening after Brian had confessed to the break-in, I hear a knock on the door. When I open the door there stands my ex-wife with the dog. She has walked over, about a mile, and she says: “Leeann is now doing the same crap as Brian! Can I come in?” So I let her in.
She sits down at my table and tells me that Leeann has blocked her way from getting out of her bedroom, pushed, and shoved her. She also took the dog’s leash away from her mother so she couldn’t walk the dog! Then of all things took the phone and would not let here mom use it! Leeann has been getting more and more pushy around her Mom, so she was grounded for a whole month. Mom had decided Leeann could do one thing this weekend because she had been doing much better and obeying her.
Well, it seems Ms. Leeann was feeing put-upon by the grounding so she decided to see if she could make a big enough fuss and get her way and try and get a few more things she wanted! She said “I don’t know what I’m going to do if she starts to physically shove and push me, what if SHE starts hitting me??” Then she said “I’m afraid to push back, I’m so much bigger than she if I hurt her she’ll call the police”. Well, I said, “you need to show her who is boss, cut off her reward the weekend for being good for one thing. And tell her next time she touches YOU, like shoving and pushing or blocking your way You’ll be the one calling the police.”
Then she says, “And she is refusing to go to school tomorrow. I want you to come over and straighten her out.” “ Ah, like no! you need to do it MB, the reason the kids don’t respect you is; you always have me do all the punishment so they have no respect for you, you have no authority in their eyes!” “I HATE you she said I hate you for the fact you left me to raise these kids alone.” “Well I’m doing just fine they respect me, you are the one who needs to change, don’t be mad at me I’m just telling you the truth!”
With that she stormed out the door and slammed it hard. So I forgot about it and went to bed, figuring she would handle it in the morning if Leeann refused to go to school. Well, at 6:10 AM the phone rang, it was MB. “Leeann is refusing to go to school, could you come over and make her go to school?” “OK, if you can’t I will, I’ll be over quickly.” When I walked in her room I told her to get out of bed, she started to give me some lip. I told her: “Get your little butt out of bed, and if you mouth off to me I’ll slap you right in the mouth, and if you want to call the police go right ahead! They know me and they know your brother, who do you think they will believe you or me??” She got up right away and didn’t say anything more. I walked to the kitchen and got her morning meds and came back to have her take them. After she took it I said “Good bye, See you later”, she answered “Not likely!” I let it go!
When I got home the police showed up and you can read what happened on my other post. However, what I didn’t say is that after the police left I walked out after him. I told him what Leeann was doing, refusing to go to school and physically restraining her mom. Well, he offered and I accepted to go over to the house and talk to her! Well, it turned out even better.
He saw Leeann at the bus stop just before the bus got there. He stopped the bus and lectured Leeann for about 10 min. telling her that if he were called to the house for restraining her mother he would personally take her to the Juvenile home like he had her brother! Also she was to report to school and he didn’t want to hear of her refusing to go again or he’d come and take her in his car!!
I really hope she got the message, I don’t need another one getting too big for her britches!!
The story of the Break-in
I did not post the story of the break-in of my home on this web site but it occurred nearly 2 weeks ago now. Brian came home after school at 1:00 PM and found the front door wide open. He called me right away and told me the house had been broken into and we’d been robbed. My kitchen was trashed, dishes broke, glasses and cups shattered. The basement was gone through, CDs spilled, file drawers gone through and papers scattered on the floor. In my son's room was trashed, drawers emptied on the floor stuff scattered around the room. The only things which we could find missing were Brian’s games for his X-box and Playstation.
I came home the police were called and an investigation done. The police took away several of the things which they felt the robbers could have touched and they could get fingerprints from. Last Thursday I went to the police station to retrieve my things and see what if anything they had found out. They informed me they thought Brian was the culprit. Things did not seem to “add up”, even if kids were responsible for the break-in other electronic things which were small should have been taken, the X-box, and Playstation were right there and easy to carry. So we made an appointment for the officer on the morning shift to make a call to my house in the morning and confront Brian with the possibility of jail/juvenile home time if only our fingerprints showed up on the things the police had taken.
Well, that night I confronted Brian, and he denied he had done it. “That is OK” he said “let them look a the prints there will be someone else’s there! I didn’t do it”. Well I had to go into town and on the way in he called my cell and confessed he had done it. He faked the break-in.
“Why, why in the hell would you do that??” I asked! “I wanted to spend time with you! I was really sad when you said you had to go back, I figured you would stay the rest of the day!” I told him it was very inappropriate for him to do that! There are so many other ways he could ask for my time and attention. For one I’m home every night. Some nights I get home later after I go to the gym but I am home. He wants to play on his X-box and hardly comes out of his room, let alone eat dinner with me, why doesn’t he ask then!! I also ask him if he wants to go to a movie or go swimming at the gym, but he always says no.
I also tried to explain it was illegal to call the police and fake a crime and report it as if it was real! He could get himself into a great deal of trouble doing that and may end up back in the juvenile home again for faking the break-in!!
Well the next morning the police officer shows up at the door. He comes in and explains the penalty for breaking and entering, 15 years, plus $2000 fine. He also explains that calling in a fake report of a B&E is the same. I then tell Brian to tell the officer what he told me, and he confessed to the officer. He also tells the officer why he did it. And the officer reminded him there are other ways of getting my attention. This time he says they will not press charges but next time; there will be no such forgiveness.
All this goes to strengthen my suspicions that the reactive attachment disorder is a real possibility. I am going to tell his current psychiatrist and his new one that we meet with on April 11.
One step forward, Two steps back!!
I had a bad morning with Brian again, he just pushed my patience way too far this morning! I was very pleasant and so was he, from 6:00 till 7:00. I've told him and told him I want to leave by 7:20 each day. I tell him in the morning and in the evening so he has no excuse, but of course he always says I'm lying or I don't wake him up like I say I do every 15 min. from 6:00 AM on. Well by 7:10 my prodding him is more frequent, but sill pleasant, "OK Brian it is 7:10 time to get up" OK Dad" and I leave it at that (he complains I bitch too much,and never stop, so I thought I'd leave it to one sentence if he give me a positive answer), no movement from him. 7:15 same thing, no movement from him, same answer by him, 7:20 same thing same tone of voice, same answer, no movement from him 7:25 I lose it, I run up stairs scream at the top of my lungs, "Get up NOW", I grab his arms set him up in bed and shake him, telling him yelling at him to get out of bed! "I'm done with this shit, any more your not out of bed by 7:00 AM you lose the Internet, every day your not up by 7:00 am you lose the Internet". I go out to the kitchen, I'm so upset, angry, I'm literally shaking, and pacing the floor, fuming, dreaming up all sort of other punishments. He gets up and we are out the door, neither of us say a word on the way to school. He gets out says "Bye Dad", I say "Bye Brian" and he walks off into school. I feel a calm come over me as I relax and turn on NPR to listen to it on the way into work.
Well, now I'm thinking about taking tomorrow off and going to Social Security and getting that process started. My ex is never going to do it, shit, she doesn't live with him day to day. Even when we get this schedule in place where he is with both of us equal time the chance to have another flare up with her increases.
Anyway, I'm just feeling overwhelmed today with his behavior/actions/disability I feel like I need to do SOMETHING more. I did make that appointment with the other pdoc to have him evaluated for RAD but for some reason I just feel that too will be too little, and my life is going to continue to be hell the longer this gets prolonged. Like my Girlfriend has said sometimes I just sit on things and don't want to rock the boat, and end up suffering because of it. How true, I've done it at work, at home.
Time to get off my dead ass and get this in place so if he needs residential placement I will have money for it!
A nice weekend
This weekend my ex and I switched kids for the weekend. I had my daughter Leeann and Brian was with his mom.
Leeann is grounded due to some problems she got herself into at school and around the house. Smart mouthing, being a pain in the butt essentially. So she and I watched a movie with my girlfriend. On Saturday the three of us went to the mall, did some shopping. But the real nice part was having her for meals! She'd sit at the table, eat and talk with me. Something Brian NEVER does, in fact he will bad mouth me if I try to talk to him telling me to "Shut up, I don't want to talk to you!!"
I talked to my ex after the weekend and she said he was pretty good, nothing serious at least.
I've yet to make an appointment for an evaluation for Reactive Attachment Disorder, I better do that this week.
